The cubical jungle breeds strange officemates...
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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Thursday, September 05, 2002
Redneck 'rithmatic
or... She's was only the farmers daughter but all the horse manure
Wow day in and day out I sit in constant amazement over Pete's excessive educational skills. It seems though that Pete's butchering of the English language is not where the idiocy stops. Math must not have been one of his stronger subjects...
So Pete decides it's time to spread a little "bio-logee" fertilizer around the huntin' chalet. He decided that since he and generally eleven of his friends use this as their killin' fields then everyone should chip in for the bag of fertilizer to spread around. Seems reasonable enough to me. Now I would like to repeat for you the conversation I heard as he was working out just what it was going to cost each of them.
"So lessee here. We gots one bag a' bio-logee ferty-lizer at sebendy dollars. an there are twelve a' us... So let's say each ona us chips in fie dollars. Lessee fie times two is ten. Put a zera down an carry the one fie plus one is six plus the one we carried is seben. So there we are sebendy dollars fer the fertilizer. So it will only cost us fie dollars each." Now at this point one of his "Huntin' Buddies" that works here comes over and asks what he's doing. He proceeds to tell him that he has "figgered out" what the fertilizer will cost each. He explains this whole process to the buddy who replys... That's only sixty bud. They have a minor debate on whether the 5 and the 1 are added together or times before adding. Finally, though I must admit I'm not sure he was convinced he was wrong, Pete concedes and allows the price to be driven up to ten dollars each. This way they also have gas money for "Haulin Sh!t" so to speak... So here's where it ought to get real good... Pete now has to call them all back and tell everyone the price has moved to ten...
Can't wait to hear his explanations...
12:54 PM
Wednesday, September 04, 2002
Heeeeeeeeey Huuuuuuuuneeeeeeeeee
Baby talkin’ the child bride
Pete has taken to speaking with his wife more regularly. I guess with the impending little pseudo Pete on the way he feels they need to have a little more quality phone time during the work hours. I think it's great that he has taken such an interest in the latest child. It's nice to know that a man who has spread his seed with such frivolity and frequency that the act of having a baby can still bring excitement to his home. Now... that being said I would like to fill everyone in on the conversations with the wife...
You know what disgusts me? Baby talk. You know what disgusts me even more then that? Baby talk from a fifty something year old man with a southern accent directed at his wife. Now I will admit, she isn't that far removed from her teen years but come on people. How many times a day does one person need to listen to "Heeeeeeey Huuuuuuneeeee.... How's my wittle girl todays you feeweeen allwight? Make sure you get pwenty of sweep an I'll take care of you when i gets hoooome..." Yech! I think I liked it much more when he was calling to argue with her about not having a suitable meal prepared for him on his arrival home from a tough day of clipping his nails and filling in "Brother So and So" on his latest plans to shoot Bambi or his mother. Where is the good ol' Pete conversations we all know and love? Where is the tales of dead relatives and sudden illness that grip his silly world? Is this an example of what's to come? Am I to be relegated to spending the next eight or nine months listening to drippy baby talk???
Pwababwy...
8:18 AM
Tuesday, September 03, 2002
Clippa Clippa Clippa pt 5
So it would seem a 3 day weekend was not nearly enough time for Pete to clip his nails. Now I will admit a busy three day weekend of hanging out at the Huntin' Chalet and jug fishing leaves very little time for personal grooming. Plus there was the whole "Red Wasp Incident" but more on that later. It would seem our boy Pete packed up the whole clan for a little R&R at his home away from home. A bonding session so to speak chock full of dead animals and tales of the glorious south. Amidst all the excitement I can see how something as time consuming, and believe if you heard him cut his nails for an hour in the morning you'd see it is time consuming, could not get done. After all there are only so many hours in the day.
The Red Wasp Incident or When Animals Attack
"There we was... comin up on a messa trees when my fren start ta move some branches aside. He come face to face with a Red Wasp nest the siza his head. Them lil' buggers was angry! They got him ona nose they got him ona hand. I wasn't sure what to do I didn't wanna be stung but I needed to help my fren. So's I paddled like a sumbitch got us the hell outa there. I knew we was in trouble though... As my fren was lergic to stings. So we rushed back to the trailer an pumped him fulla benadryl so's he would be allright."
Now let me finish this by saying that I am "lergic ta stings" and all the Benadryl in the world won't help me if I get stung. Obviously he wasn't too "lergic" or he would be dead.
Not that Pete wouldn't have a real fascinating story with that one.
10:09 AM
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