The cubical jungle breeds strange officemates...
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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Thursday, August 15, 2002
It just keeps getting better
So I didn't update yesterday. I must admit that it was not due to lack of material but more of a sudden emergence in morals on my part. I know I was just as shocked as you all are over that but apparently, at least for a day or so; I was locked in moral conflict over reporting the latest Pete escapade. I sat up the better part of a day and a half agonizing over what to do and what right I had to convey this particular Pete-ism to the rest of the world when suddenly it occurred to me. Screw him. He was the one that discussed this so that half of the office could hear him. He chose to make his personal life known in a public work place environment and I would be remiss if I did nor report to both my loyal readers the latest in what can only be called...
The crack pipe incident.
Yes indeedy folks seems our boy Goober has gotten himself into a whole heapa trouble! From what I understand based off of the phone conversation, He was back at the other ex-Mrs Pete's (not the current ex-Mrs Pete of custody battle fame) home when upon cleaning she happened upon a crack pipe in Goober's possessions. Yep that's what I said a crack pipe. Now even I, despite my bitterness and general ill will towards almost everyone, know that this is no laughing matter... Yet for some reason I just can't seem to stop laughing about it. I know it's wrong and I will probably end up blogging about the guy next to me in-between smoking my personal turd in hell for it, but I just can't say that I blame ol' Goober. I would want some form of escape myself. Now I will admit that crack is a little extreme but when you only make five dollars for cutting grass all day that is pretty much the only drug you have available to you. I know previously I tried to figure out what Goober could possibly do with five dollars and I guess I got my answer in the form of a "fie dolla rock." Now I do feel that in some way this is Pete's fault (mental cruelty from past divorces aside) I feel if Pete had just made sure Goober got a better rate when he was hiring him out for manual labor then perhaps Goober could do better drugs. Maybe if he could have made say 20 dollars a yard he might have been able to move on to such designer drugs as ecstasy or acid. Can't you see it??? Goober the club kid hanging out at raves till all hours of the evening green glow stick in one hand pacifier in the other... But alas it was not to be. Poor goober was relegated by his lack of income and poor business management to crack. Sad.
The latest though is the story he fed his mom. He claims that his friend’s father was doing drugs and in an effort to help said he would help his friend steal the crack pipe and just "forgot to dispose of it." Yeah and the Holocaust killed off a few people. So now Goober is placed in a situation where Pete is picking him up from the airport and immediately taking him to get drug tested. I only hope for Goober's sake it comes out negative.
This is your brain. This is your brain in Pete's household...
Any questions?
10:48 AM
Tuesday, August 13, 2002
Clippa Clippa Clippa Pt 4
The familiar sound resonates through the office. Imagine a whole week with no "Clippa." It was an eerie silence that seemed to just leave everything a little askew. Like perhaps all was not right with the world. That has all changed though as Pete is back. Unfortunately the judge was not on the bench last week and he was unable to continue the custody battle. This means he will have to reschedule the mental scarring of little "Gobberette" for a later time. So what did Pete do with his week off you ask? Why jug fishin' of course. He and Goober went off for some bonding before returning home so Goober could begin his first of several senior years at school.
As for "Gooberette?" She was sent to school on Monday to the one Pete felt she needed to attend. To which the ex-Mrs. Pete promptly drove up to the school jerked the daughter out of class and transferred her to the school she felt she should go to. Man these people kill me. What are they thinking? Oh yeah... their not.
8:34 AM
PETE IS BACK!!!
Just when I think he can no longer amaze me Pete does something so extraordinary that even I am left with moments where I am unable to speak. I just received an email, as did the entire office, that reads:
"August 16, 1977. I had just walked off the 18th green, heading for the clubhouse at Glen Eagle, NAS Memphis, when a buddy of mine came running out and said, "hey - did you hear what happened? - Elvis died!" I sank to my knees in shock and disbelief. "No, say it ain't so!" I replied. But, alas, it was true. The King was gone.
Now, 25 years later, we gather together to honor the King of Rock & Roll, Elvis Presley. Please join me and Mark 'Tiny Elvis' this Thursday, for a teary-eyed evening with the throng of the faithful at the Candlelight Vigil. It'll be HUGE, Baby!
TCB"
Wow what can I say? For a moment there I must admit I was touched. To think all this time Pete was really a feeling caring fan of "The King." Then I went wait a minute... The King is dead right? And what fascinates Pete? DEAD PEOPLE!!!! He's kind of like the adult version of the kid from Sixth Sense. I can see him huddled in his bed fear mixed with delight as his frozen breath hangs in the air... "I see dead people."
8:06 AM
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